Dear Ms. Rachel,
I do hope this letter finds you in much better spirits. When I saw that you were taking a break from social media for your mental health, I actually felt bad for you. I didn’t know who or what group might have been attacking you, but being something of a public figure on the internet, I’ve gotten my fair share of undeserved hate and despite being used to it even I sometimes need to step away.
I was told later that you were being attacked by “traditional” people over your friend and “Songs for Littles” co-star, Jules. (For those reading this letter, Jules identifies as “they/them” and b believes in gender fluidity.)
I wanted to write to you about this from my platform, and do so in the open because I want something to be understood. For one, the internet is a pretty rabid, vicious place where nuance gets easily tossed out the window, and anger and fighting take the place of normal conversation. I’d like to write to you from a place of level-headed discussion and nuance so none of this is taken as hateful or uncaring of people’s humanity.
My hope in writing it in the open is that others may also see and agree with the nuance as well. That’s not going to fly for everyone, but that’s just what happens when you gather thousands into a tiny space like an article, TikTok, or YouTube video.
Let me start off by saying that I’m a new dad to a 3-month-old baby boy. Even before he was born I was learning about you and how the educational and entertaining videos you were putting out were helping children learn and play. After sitting down and watching your videos on YouTube, I would put you on for my baby while I worked or tried to get something done. I knew he wouldn’t really understand what he was seeing, but my hope was that even a little something might rub off on him. Besides, he really seemed to zone in on you when I put you on from a very early age.
I’d read articles and listened to child development experts that sang your praises and endorsed your educational and development strategies. I was eager to get my boy in front of your videos and to be sure, I still am! Your work is undeniably good and effective.
But I also understand why people are very wary of putting your friend Jules in front of their kid, and it doesn’t have to do with hatred. I should know because I’ll fully admit that I’m one of those people. While I don’t speak for everyone, I think a lot of parents are coming at this from the same perspective as me.
I’d seen Jules in videos and, given the times we live in, I assumed there were some ideas about the concept of gender that I wouldn’t fully agree with there. I didn’t really think much of it as I’m the kind of guy who’ll befriend anyone so long as they’re personally good people who aren’t cruel, forceful, or rude. Besides, anyone who takes the time to help children learn and play without introducing concepts that they shouldn’t be learning until much later is alright in my book.
However, a moment did come when I had the television on for my baby and Jules came on the screen and introduced a teddy bear friend. While Jules didn’t actively introduce the concept of “they/them” pronouns, “they/them” was used when talking about the bear.
I switched the video off. I want to stress again, this wasn’t done out of hate or some ridiculous “transphobia.” I did it because I’ve been around long enough in the business I’m in to know that the slippery slope isn’t steep. While my baby was only two months old at the time, I didn’t want those concepts to be in his edutainment, even as off-hand comments, so as not to normalize that kind of talk while learning basics.
Ms. Rachel, I don’t want my son to be transgender, or think gender fluidity is normal for many reasons. For one, children who do tend to believe in the concept and get wrapped up in it are more likely to suffer from depression and have a much higher chance of suicide according to research. While some say this is proof that gender-affirming care is needed, I think I can logic out that due to age patterns and increased mainstream influence that gender-fluidity is more of a trend than an actual rash of mental illness.
Upon looking at the data, it seems more likely that the depression stems from feelings of isolation, fear, and social stress. These are negatives that come with the acceptance of identities that you aren’t. This is true even outside of the transgender lifestyle. Moreover, the social isolation and stress put upon these kids stem from what they’re told, not from their own friends and family, but from the activists telling them that they’re different than what they actually are and that because they’re different they’re hated and even hunted according to many an activist.
I don’t want my son to take all that unto himself. I want him to believe in who he is for what he is. I don’t want him to isolate himself away from his friends that care and his family that love him because he’s been told our disagreement is born out of hatred and bigotry. I don’t want him to think he has to adopt an identity he’s not in order to fit in, and I want him to be able to properly refuse this lifestyle even when pressured.
Ms. Rachel, we’re in the midst of a very tense time with this very subject in our society. Constant reports of teachers introducing these concepts behind parents’ backs are currently a huge problem in schools. TikTok influencers are also furtively attempting to influence kids into the lifestyle. Teacher’s unions are suing parents for simply asking questions about whether or not they’re teaching gender theories to their young children. One teacher in California was recently fired for refusing to hide a student’s transgenderism from that student’s parents.
The links above are just a few of the mountainous heap of stories that come down the pipe every month. As a person who covers this kind of thing as part of my job, I’ve probably forgotten more stories regarding this issue than you yourself have ever read.
So you can see why parents are wary of Jules, if not standoffish. While I’d dissuade anyone from being overtly hostile, you likely understand a parent’s fear for their child as you are a mother yourself. For these parents, Jules represents a very frightening and harmful idea and lifestyle that they naturally want their child to stay away from. While it’s not right to hate Jules for being gender fluid, their fearful and angry response can at least be a little understood when seeing it from this parental perspective.
You and I likely disagree on the transgender issue, and that’s okay. As a libertarian-minded individual, it’s my firm belief that adults should live their lives as they choose and believe what they want to believe, but my child is not an adult. It’s my responsibility as his father to guide him into being the most responsible, level-headed, and clear-thinking individual possible, and a man who relies on wisdom instead of emotion. I want him to be a man that thinks like an individual, not one who simply follows the mob or the latest trend.
Jules, who may very well be a great person without a hateful thought going through the brain, does represent a lifestyle that has proven to be mentally damaging, highly emotional, and physically harmful. It’s too often isolating and too attached to radical political activism. If Jules is simply a person that wants to live and let live, then that’s great! But I cannot allow Jules’s ideals to permeate my son’s life, especially at this early stage.
The work you and your team do is extraordinary and I will still put my son down in front of your videos, but while I won’t necessarily be avoiding anything with Jules in it, know that if your co-star begins putting gender-fluid concepts into the bits, I will be forced to change it and warn my fellow parents away from it.
Again — and I cannot stress this enough — I don’t do this out of hate, but because my child deserves to live a full healthy life free of confusion and isolation, and that means distancing him from this modern, unrealistic, and too often destructive concept of gender.
With all respect and kindness,
Brandon